Shyness about sex

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. Hello my name is Belinda, there is a boy at school that is really hot and has asked me a couple of times to have sex with him and i really want to have sex with him but i am shy that i won’t be good in bed and that he won’t like my body. Can you please help me and tell me some ways to loosen up about myself and just go for it. Thanks.

A. It is good that you are shy and uneasy about having sex with a boy at school; the personal information you shared in your question indicated that you are only 13 years old. Frankly, 13 years old is entirely too young to be engaging in sex. You can like a boy and spend time with him but you do not have to have sex with him-even if he is “hot”. Many boys will only like you if you have sex with them. You may also find out that many boys will stop talking to you after you do have sex with them. Having sex with boys at school will likely get you a bad reputation. Do you only want to be liked by boys because they have heard you will have sex with them? Do you want to be used for sex by boys? Do you want people to know you as “easy?” I do not think so. Your body is something that you should preserve at least until you are older and know more about what sex is. You have many other qualities to offer in a relationship that do not include sex. I am not saying not to have sex ever, just wait until you are older and better able to understand what you are getting yourself into. There are emotional risks of having sex as well as other complicated issues such as the risk of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and so forth. I would highly recommend reading a book about your body and issues related sex for teenagers called: Deal with It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL by Esther Drill, Heather Mcdonald, Rebecca Odes. Please write again if you have any more questions or don’t understand why I say that sex at 13 is not healthy.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Aug 2006

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2006). Shyness about sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/08/21/shyness-about-sex/