In love with a paranoia schizophrenic

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. My mom introduced me to this really nice man. He wined me and dined me like no one has. We went to dinner and parties and seem to be getting close. He told me he was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic.( i dont know anything about this disorder) But he acted so normal to me and I immediately fell in love with him. My main reason was because he was going to school to become a minister. He prayed and read his bible faithfully. Then he told my mom he was falling in love with me. I have had a lot of bad relationships so I thought god finally answered my prayers. I WAS WRONG. We had an the worst argument I ever had with anyone! I had some out of town friends to come and he went into this jealous rage. He accuse me of sleeping with people who are like family to me. He then said they were touching me right of him..I knew he was hallucinating. He didnt attack me until after they left. He this started call me the b-word. That is the most hurtful thing a guy can say to you. I said some pretty mean things to and it was just out of retaliation. He left my house and didnt call me for 2days. I then sent him a text telling him I was sorry so he call me back and told me he was in the hospital but he was sorry too..that most of his relationship ended because he hears voices and usely gets mad. So I thought we quash it…so I didnt hear from him for days. I then call him sunday and he told that he was not over our argument and not to call him anymore. Now he acts like we are enemies when this was all over nothing. I know this is a stupid question but should I just not call him anymore? I really like this guy and I am so tired of in and out relationships. Do you think its his disorder that made him become distant like that

A. It is hard to know what exactly caused him to react the way that he did. It does sound like he may be experiencing paranoia related to his disorder. He could have been mid-episode when all of this happened evidenced by the fact that he eventually landed in the hospital. I know it is difficult but you should not take his reaction to this situation and his reaction towards you personally. Schizophrenia is a thought disorder marked by hallucinations and often extreme paranoia. It is the nature of the disorder to cause a person to be paranoid for no logical reason. If he does not want you to call him at this point in time, then I would suggest that you do not call him. Give him time to stabilize. It is possible that once he is stabilized he may initiate contact with you again. You should let him contact you when he is ready. In the meantime, maybe you can become familiar with schizophrenia and this may help you better understand what he is going through. If you would like to learn more about the disorder, I would highly recommend the website www. schizophrenia.com. It is very informative, easy to read website that offers understanding about the disorder from many different perspectives (e.g. the sister’s perspective, the boyfriend/girlfriend’s perspective, etc.). Also, I would be glad to answer any other questions you might have regarding schizophrenia. I hope this helps. Take care. If you have any more questions, please write again.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 Aug 2006

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2006). In love with a paranoia schizophrenic. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/08/21/in-love-with-a-paranoia-schizophrenic/