Q: My dad is a religious preacher at a non demoninational church. My mother has passed on and he is remarried. We were raised with strict religion, girls in long skirts etc, However they had a revival and changed a bunch of rules like dress code etc. A couple years ago my wife and I separated. Many months later I met someone else, dated a year, then moved in together for one year now. My parents are not accepting the separation and want us to work it out. However the ex never has contributed to our relationship, financially or taking care of the home. She din’t do much for 17 years. The marriage is is not worth saving and irrectifiable for both us.
My father excluded me from attending a wedding unless I came without the new family. I refused to dismiss them this way even though my girlfriend encourages me to do what will make me happy. My father has no contact with me unless I call him. His 70th birthday is coming up and I have been invited by my stepmom, but without my new love. Should I go or refuse to go without bringing a woman I love more than anything I ever experienced. Please Help give me the right decision as I don’t what to do.
A: You probably aren’t going to be able to change your father’s mind about your choices. He is almost 70 and he has lived his life according to strict traditional religious rules. He can’t bend without calling his whole life into question. You, on the other hand, have made other choices; choices that you feel strongly are best for you. If you are clear that you are doing the right thing for your own life, you don’t need to win an argument with the rest of the family. Just enjoy the love you are fortunate enough to have found. In this case, I think your girlfriend is right. Attend the birthday celebration solo as a way to honor the father who raised you the best he knew how. Then go home and hug your girlfriend in appreciation for how mature, generous, and loving she is.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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