Q: I’ve recently been trying to break up with my boyfriend of about two years. The first few times i did it he didnt take me seriously and the other day i did everything i could to get it through his head. Wouldn’t you know, he’s now threatening to kill himself if I leave him. I have no doubt this is true. Its not right for me to stay with him and let him think that things are gonna work out but its not right for me to have to stay in this situation. I dont know what to do about it. I dont want to hear again that i should get him professional help. It’s not gonna help to stick him in a hospital or counseling where he’ll just have more time to think about it.please someone help me
A: Your boyfriend is using emotional blackmail. You are right. It’s not fair to you to be feeling responsible for his life. And it’s not healthy for him to be so desperate for “love” that he will force someone into playacting it.
I disagree with your conclusion about a hospital. A good hospital program will put him into both group and individual therapy while he is there. Yes, he’ll be thinking about the situation. But he will also be given ways to think about it differently.
Chances are he won’t go for help just because you tell him to. You are only 18. You can’t – and shouldn’t – manage this by yourself. You really need to talk with his parents and ask them to take over. I’m not familiar with the mental health system in the UK. I suggest that you talk to your doctor or a clergy person. They are usually aware of services that can help in situations like this.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Aug 2006
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2006). Boyfriend threatens suicide.. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 11, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/08/13/boyfriend-threatens-suicide/