Q: We have been married for 7 years, My wife is 15 years younger (I”m 50) and although I believe I have a higher sex drive than she does, it is still good and healthy. I have been somewhat disturbed that when having sex she would leave her brasiere on and at times even her blouse. It has not been a major problem to me since I ask her to take it off and she does. My concern is the following; recently during “foreplay time” I was staring at her vagina and she snapped at me for the stare, and I asked her why she was upset since I enjoyed and would get aroused by looking. I have been the “Barber” for her in the past for trimming and suddenly this reaction. She claims this is her right and basically does not want to give in. Well we are not in talking terms and I feel if we ever get around this problem I may feel a little cold.
- Turned off in Miami
A. Dear Turned Off:
I don’t know why your wife is so upset but she does. You two need to do some serious talking. Your attitude, however, is probably making it very hard for her to talk with you.
You have generally had a good sex life. I’m confused (as she probably is) that one event where she didn’t want to do what you wanted ended up being such a big deal. I suggest that you take a breath and calm down. Your reaction is creating the tension at least as much as her request. You are calling the whole
relationship into question on the basis of one sexual disagreement. In your upset, you are coming off as selfish and manipulative. For that you owe her an apology.
When you are both in a good mood, have a calm talk with your wife about what her wants and needs are during sex so you understand her better. Don’t introduce your needs/wants until you have thoroughly heard what it is she is trying to tell you. This isn’t an argument. This is an attempt at intimate communication. A good sex life takes both people’s desires into account.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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