Q: I can’t help but resist everything that comes my way, it’s so bad I even resist my self. My boyfriend gives me everything I want and he works hard everyday to be able to do this. I don’t work, and the only thing he asks of me is to keep our pad clean, do the dishes laundry etc… nothing fancy or outrageous,not spotless either, but I can’t do it. I get whatever i want whenever i want it; money all the time shopping all day long, gambling at night, or whatever i so desire and all he wants from me is 1 hour tops cleaning the house and sometimes dinner when he gets home. I refuse to do it even tho I want to so bad I just don’t do it period. I act like a spoiled brat and I can tell its starting to weigh down our relationship. What am I doing?
A: I don’t know why you are working so hard to push away such a good man and a good life. Someday it’s going to work — which would be very, very sad. All I can guess (and this is just a guess) is that for some reason you can’t believe you deserve such good fortune. You’re convinced it’s only a matter of time before it’s over. The waiting is an intolerable feeling so you create the disaster you are certain is going to happen anyway. At least then you have some feeling of control.
There must be many very charming and lovable things about you for your boyfriend to put up with your behavior. Unless he is totally crazy, or totally crazy about you, he is seeing something in you that you don’t Your low sense of worth probably isn’t justified.
These things usually aren’t rational or people would just stop. It takes some serious effort to turn things around. You care enough about your boyfriend and yourself to write to me. It’s time for you to take the next step. There are lots of qualified counselors in your area. Ask someone you trust for a recommendation and find yourself a counselor who can help you figure this out. Both you and your boyfriend deserve better than the current situation.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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