Q: Shortly after the birth of our daughter, my wife experienced some
pschiatric disorders – approx. two years ago. She has been taking Abilify and her doctor is slowly reducing the dosage . She seems to be getting better but has never “regained her sex drive”. I’m scared to talk about it because I don’t want her to feel any pressure that might cause her to lose momentum or relapse. > She feels it is “just the medication” and will return once she gets off
it – help!
A: The cry for help at the end of the letter suggests to me that perhaps you
are feeling caught between your desire to be a good, supportive husband and
your desire for a fulfilling sexual relationship with the wife you love. It sounds
like you’ve done your best to be patient but that you miss the physical dimension of your relationship. I appreciate your sensitivity to your wife. I also understand that you are frustrated and maybe even a little lonesome for your wife. This must be tough.
I’m not a psychiatrist so can’t offer you an opinion about whether her lack of interest in sex is related to her medication. But I did look up Abilify and did not find sexual dysfunction listed as a side effect. That doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t having that effect on your wife. It could just mean that it’s rare.
But it’s also possible that the two of you have gotten out of the habit of being easy with each other sexually and you need a way to start again. It’s only natural to feel a little shy and tentative when illness got in the way of intimacy for such a long time.
If your wife is well now, maybe you could broach the subject with her
gently. Focus on how much you love her and miss her. Ask her if there are
ways the two of you could wade in to being intimate again. Reassure her that
you don’t want to pressure her but that you do want to be close to her. Share your worries and also ask her what she is afraid might happen. Maybe she worries that if she let’s herself be sexual, she’ll again have symptoms. The point is to make resuming your physical relationship a mutual project rather than a pressure from you.
If the two of you can’t figure out how to get your relationship back to normal, I suggest you ask her if the two of you could talk to her psychiatrist together about what to do. Chances are that the doctor would have some suggestions.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jul 2006
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2006). Resuming Sex After Post-Partum Depression. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 14, 2012, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/07/10/292/
