Q. I am having issues with her because she thinks I have done all kinds of things to monitor her. Cameras everywhere, hook her pc into my network (my server, which I don’t have), all screws are cameras, paint things when she is not around (which I have not), changed carpet texture, changed heating vents, etc. She seems ok sometimes, but then those things come up and I am having quite a time. Not sure what to do, she has not been to a doctor in over 7 years and won’t go. She only goes to bed at 4AM and then up at 7AM to babysit our grandson. Not sure if she is sleeping in living room or not. She has torn apart every pc within the house looking for what I have done and even speakers. I cannot get her to understand I have not done anything. Her kids do not see that side of her because she is totally different when they are around. She hides it well and stays away from any of those subjects. What is my answer. She needs help but won’t admit it. How can I force it ? She is not a real threat to me or herself at least for suicide. But she has threatened to break my legs if I don’t quit changing things. Is that enough to have her admitted and tested?
A. I am sorry about your difficult situation. It sounds like you wife may in the throws of a psychotic episode or at the very least, experiencing severe paranoia. I can tell you that it will be extremely difficult for you to convince her that you are not spying on her. Also, as you indicated, it will be extremely difficult for you to convince her to get help on her own. Despite this, you should keep trying to convince her to seek help. Unfortunately, in our United States mental health system, her extremely paranoid behavior is not enough for her to be admitted to the hospital for help-but you should still try. She did threaten to harm you. Her threat to harm you is enough to have her admitted to a hospital.
You can do several things at this point. If she has a doctor, try taking her into to see her doctor. If this is not an option, you should at least try calling her doctor and telling him or her about her paranoia. Ask her doctor for advice and if she is on medication, perhaps her doctor could adjust her medications. If she does not have a doctor that you can call who is familiar with her, then you can take her into the emergency room and have her evaluated. Be sure to tell them she did threaten to harm you. Stress this fact adamantly. Stressing this fact may be the only way you can get her admitted to the hospital and to get her help. In most states, if a person is not a harm to themselves or others, the hospital will not admit them. Even if you wife is extremely paranoid and displaying extremely bizarre behavior, hospitals can turn her away.
If she will not get into the car with you to ride to the hospital, then you should call the police. The mental health system is set up so that in most states, the police are the first line responders to these situations. Some communities have mental health crisis teams. Tell the police or the mental health crisis team about the behavior that you have been witnessing and that your wife has threatened to harm you. The police or the mental health crisis team will come to the house, evaluate your wife’s current situation and try to get your wife to go to the hospital if they think her behavior is too out of control. Based on what you tell them and their own evaluation, they can take your wife to the hospital. If it is the crisis team who is conducting the evaluation, they will call the police if they decide she needs to go the hospital and she is not willing to go on her own or with you. Calling the police or a crisis team may seem like a cruel way of dealing with this situation but if your wife continues to be paranoid, and she gets worse, without help or intervention, she could try to hurt you, yourself or even the children. I am not saying that paranoid people are dangerous per say, but if her paranoia becomes so severe that she feels extremely threatened by you and the spying equipment she believes you have implanted, she could act out. This acting act on her part would be a logical and justified reaction if she perceives she is being followed, watched, spied on or otherwise threatened in some way. Any acting act on her part may be because she believes she is defending herself against you and the wrongful spying that she believes you are doing. Her becoming dangerous to herself or others is a possible outcome. Without help for her paranoia coupled with her lack of sleep, she is likely to become increasingly unstable.
My advice is to try and get her help as soon as you can so that whatever is going on with her does not get worse. Try to get her into the hospital or to the doctor to be evaluated. If none of these actions work, this may mean having to call the police or the mental health crisis team to get her help. I hope this helps and if you have any more questions, please feel free to write again. Take care.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jul 2006
