Q. For the last few years i have had or think i have had OCD. It is always there. I went through a period where i had to do something on both sides of my body and if i got the pattern wrong or messed it up it really upset me. This has got a bit better recently. However i still have many routines, especially before i got to bed. Nothing must touch my bed at all and no-one may sit down on it or else the bedding must be changed. My mother gets really cross with me and doesn’t undertstant at all, she thinks i am being melodramatic then gets hurt and assumes i think she is covered in germs. Then if i let one form of cleanliness slip then i let all other aspects slip too and this really depresses me. I have to put everything in the right place and i wash may hands too much. The routines i do really waste time and i try not to do them but i cant help it. Then in the last half year i have become really depressed. I feel so empty and life seems so pointless. My grades have dropped dramatically and i go through phases where i cant to anything at all except sit. All my friends have noticed a big difference with me, as has my mother. I have cut myself quite severely although have since tried to stop, as it is a bad habit and a stupid one at that although it made me feel better. My mother found out after a while and nothing has been the same between us since, she just blamed herself. Its just me though. I just cant see anything to live for. I dont have any particularly bad problems except for a dysfunctional and arguementative family. I really dont know what to do but i cant go on feeling like this. Is it just because i am a teenager?
A. Part of your depression could stem from being a teenager. The teenage years can be an extremely difficult time period since so much developmentally occurs. It is about this time that teenagers begin to explore who they are and try to define themselves. You are rapidly growing and changing both physically and psychologically during this time. It can be quite a confusing time. I do think, however, that something more is going on than “just being a teenager.” Cutting yourself is dangerous behavior. Suicidal thoughts are extremely unhealthy and some of the obsessions that you have developed are indicative of other problems. People often develop OCD-like tendencies as a reaction to chaos. You mentioned your dysfunctional and argumentative family and this represents a chaotic home life. The OCD tendencies you have developed may be a reaction to all of the arguing and dysfunction going on around you. It may be an attempt to find some element of control in your life. If you keep routines, this can give you the feeling of control and that can be comforting, especially when there is so much disarray all around you.
You should seek counseling. Tell your mother you want to see someone. She should not be blaming herself but she should see that you get help. Encourage her to be involved in the counseling. Also, encourage the rest of the family to get help. Suggest family therapy. If the family does not want to be involved, try seeing the school counselor on your own. Getting counseling can help you learn healthy ways do deal with your feelings. The current ways you are choosing to deal with your feelings are unhealthy and dangerous. My advice is to seek help. Let me know how you are doing and keep in touch. Take care.
What's Related
- Other posts by Kristina Randle, LCSW
- Fear from chronic depression
- Depression
- Depression or bipolar?
- Is my depression post pardum, or just depression?
- Depression has had an impact on quality of work.
