Depression, no more will to live

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. I’m 17 and i was diagnosed with scoliosis (curved spine) when i was 11. Since then i have been wearing a back brace. Unfortunately, one day when i went to the doctor for a check-up, he said it got worse and he recommended me a spinal surgery. I was totally scared of it but i went through it and now it’s 4 months post-op. The brace should have been taken off last week but doctor said i have to wear it for another 3 months so that its sure my spine is well fixed and lower curve doesnt get worse. If if get worse, im supposed to undergo another surgery. Im totally devastated and i really feel like ending up this shitty life. Its hot and itching with the brace and I cant stand it anylonger. My classmates are going to have a great summer but I will be stuck at home crying why this happened to me. They are having a trip in summer to “say goodbye” to school but i will miss there of course. I was really looking forward to it for months and now i cant. I cant go swimming, i cant go out coz i sweat in this stupid thing, my friends dont visit me, they piss me off…Im down and I donno wat to do. If i could press a button “death”, i would do it immediately. Im crying all days long and i keep asking myself “why me?!”…wat should I do to gain some joy to my life again?

A. I am very sorry to hear about your life situation. It must be difficult and painful to endure scoliosis and spinal surgery. I know that you are suffering right now and all of your friends are doing things you feel you should be doing but hang in there. There will be other trips and summers were you can join your friends. It sounds like you might be on the road to recovery. Things should not always be this bad for you. Try to give up any negative attitude that you may have and replace it with the reality that you are correcting physical problems and that this will enable you to live a happier, easier life. Once this is all done, it is done. I know this is hard to do when you are suffering. The surgery you had might have helped you enough that you will not need another. There is hope. The outcome of your surgery has had very positive results and you need to acknowledge this. Your life is precious. Suicide is never the answer. My advice is to realize the lifelong benefits of your surgery. This is the truth and it is positive. Look for the good of the operations and not the short term costs of the surgery. Since you must endure this terrible time try to endure by focusing on the reality of benefits of the surgery. Try to find a hobby you can focus on while at home, to take your mind off things. Maybe writing, drawing or reading. Some people like knitting or making quilts or blankets. I hope this helps at least a little. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you will keep in touch.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 Jun 2006

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2006). Depression, no more will to live. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/06/23/depression-no-more-will-to-live/