Q. Thank you for your concern. I do see a therapist and he is wonderful, but fortunately he is not to familiar with eating disorders. Where I come from there is little about eating disorders. I also see a doctor who specializes in eating disorder. She and my therapist want me to go to the hospital, I do not want to go, I had such a bad experience. They put a feeding tube in me against my will. I am so scared to eat. I also feel that when I get to a weight that I’m happy with I will be truly happy. I do not know what that weight is yet, but when I get there I will know. I am currently at 89 pounds, I’m 5′ 2″ tall. I don’t think my weight is all that bad. How can I find the right help that I will be comfortable with? Please help.
A. It does sound like you may be getting good help between your therapist and doctor. If you consider the “right help” a treatment professional that would not consider the hospital for you at this point in time, that “right help” may be hard to find. Once you go below a certain weight, and you have not eaten in two weeks, most anyone who treats you is going to suggest the hospital. When you are at the point of not eating at all in an effort to not gain any weight, you could die from not eating. The hospital may be the only place that can save you and get you back on a healthy eating track.
The hospital is the right place for you given your situation. You are in an extremely precarious situation due to the dangerousness of not eating for weeks. The path you are on poses a serious threat to your physical health and may lead to death.
You are chasing the elusive “perfect weight” that you think will make you “happy”. There is no such thing. It is unrealistic to think that the right weight will make you happy; it won’t. Many individuals with anorexia think they can never been thin enough. It is a slippery slope. Eating disorders are not about being a certain comfortable weight but on a deeper level, they are more about wanting to gain control over some aspect of your life that is uncontrollable. Eating disorders are about something deeper than just wanting to be thin. The eating disorder is the external expression of an internal struggle.
I know you are frightened of the hospital but at this point, when you are not willing to eat on your own, the hospital may be the only place that can help you. Maybe if you go into the hospital, you do not have to have the feeding tube. Perhaps there is another treatment you could benefit from, one where the hospital monitors your eating and helps you learn to eat again under their supervision. You need food to survive. I encourage you to talk over your options as well as your fears about the hospital with your doctor. Please consider what your doctor is telling you and consider the hospital. Don’t let this eating disorder beat you, fight it and take control of it. The hospital is your first step to recovering from this disease, the first step in beating anorexia.
Be strong and consider the hospital. It’s your first step in battling this terrible disease. I wish you the best of luck. Please write again and let me know how you are doing. Kristina
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 23 May 2006
