Q: From a 16 year old boy: So – I’ve been dating this girl for about 2 years. I’m younger then her by only 1 year and at the beginning it, of course, was like any normal high school relationship. Then after a while I began feeling like I liked her a lot more then I would like a girl normally (not sexually mind you, Just really liked her.) She said she had been feeling the same. Well, lately when I talk to her, or kiss her, or hug her it doesn’t seem to have the same effect on her. When I say “effect” I mean it seems like she is just going through the motions. We haven’t had sex yet because I didn’t want to force something like that on her. But I don’t know if now, maybe she wants something more in our relationship. Her friend mentioned to me that my girlfriend said before that she was ready to have sex but only with the right guy. I’m not the jealous type and I’m not a stalker by any means. It just seems like there’s a definite change in the way she acts.. So bluntly my question to you is this: Has she lost interest in me, or does she want more in our relationship?
A: You are clearly a thoughtful and considerate guy. Good for you for thinking so hard about all this! I don’t know the answer to your question but your girlfriend does. I think it’s time for the two of you to have a heart to heart talk. It may be that she likes you a lot as a friend but doesn’t know how to tell you that she wants to move on without hurting you. Or maybe she does want to experiment sexually but is afraid that you aren’t ready. In either case, she’s showing that she is as thoughtful as you are. But at this point your mutual thoughtfulness is helping you avoid a talk you really need to have. You two could end up hurting each other just because you are circling around an issue instead of dealing with it straight.
My best advice to you is to find a calm time when the two of you can have an open and honest talk. The hard part, of course, is that you may find that you are going in different directions. As difficult as that is, I’m of the opinion that it is better to know and to deal than to be wondering and worrying.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 21 May 2006
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2006). Has my girlfriend lost interest in me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 27, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/05/21/has-my-girlfriend-lost-interest-in-me/