Q. Hi,my name is Marsha.I’ve suffered with an eating disorder for 21 years of my life,I’m now 35 years old.I have been in counseling for the same amount of years.I’m having a problam with the way my body feels physcally,I can’t stand the bulging feeling from my fat,that makes me constantly go crazy.It also makes me abuse laxatives and diuretics.I start and stop doing this.I know all the effects this can cause.I suffer from most of them.I try to not eat,or it’s very little.I was on Adderall XR,my doctor took me off that and I have gained weight.I don’t know how to overcome the feelings in my stomach,and my legs.I’m trying to change my habbits but I don’t know how from the physical feelings I have with my body.I try to explain this to my counsler but I can’t get her to understand how I feel.I can’t exercise because I’ve have back problams and that makes it harder for me because i use to exercise,not over-excessivaly just normal.I’m struggeling to find a way,it’s like I’ve hit a brick wall and I can’t move.I also am struggeling spiritually ,I have been really knocking myself down and feel like I’m not going to go anywhere in my life,it seems like my head is in a constant spin.Is there any ideas you can give me to try to overcome this?Thanks for taking the time to read this,I’m sorry if it is a mess and bouncing from one thing to another.
A. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time lately. I do not know how you will feel about this but I would suggest that you consider a new therapist. It does not sound like you are making much progress lately, spiritually or otherwise with your therapist. A good therapist should be helpful to you spiritually. You might also want to consider, for spiritual help or guidance, contacting a local church in your area that matches your beliefs and faith. During difficult times, some people find it helpful spiritually to connect or reconnect with their congregation. You might also want to consider a therapy support group. You can try either a face-to-face support group in your area or even an online support group. Both might prove helpful to you.
As for your eating disorder and since you have lived with it so long, it is going to take a long time to change your deeply ingrained and inaccurate thoughts about your body. Eating disorders fundamentally are a control issue but have much to do with how you perceive yourself. As is often the case with individuals who have eating disorders, how you perceive your body is completely inaccurate. You might “feel” fat but is this really the truth? Most likely it is not true but yet, you continue to believe it anyway. Believing in what you feel to be true and not what is the actual truth is extremely unhealthy and in your case, destructive to your body. Your inaccurate beliefs about yourself are causing you to terrorize your own body.
You must know that just because you “feel” a certain way certainly does not mean it is true. Feelings are not always accurate and often times are inappropriate. You must believe and dedicate yourself to the truth. The truth is always accurate and correct. If the truth is that your legs are not fat, and there is no bulge in your stomach, then you cannot go on believing in these ideas if they are not true. When you believe in things that are not true, you are not living in reality. Eating disorders are dangerous disorders with the highest mortality rates of all psychiatric disorders. You must commit yourself to the truth and if you do not know the truth, ask your therapist to help you seek and find the truth.
You cannot go on destroying your body because of your false and inaccurate opinion of your body. I know it is difficult to change your thinking, especially since it’s the way you have thought about yourself for many years. If you do gain weight, there are healthy ways to lose the weight and in your case, would include eating healthy and engaging in light exercise. This routine or any other one you choose should be supervised by your doctor, of course. Your current system of laxatives and diuretics is extremely dangerous. Please make an effort to find a therapist who you think is helpful or try to reconnect with your current therapist. Also, commit yourself to the truth and reality. It can save your life. I wish you the best of luck, and please write again and let me know how you are doing.
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