Q. I dont know where to start. Well, I am only fourteen years old and i guess i have been cutting myself since last year. I dont really know if I want to die. I can sometimes go a month whithout touching a razor, but when I start up again, I cut continusly for a week or even two. Last year, I had 3 best friends. One week, they stopped talking to me and calling me. I found out that they thought I was annoying.I found some new friends, and they had nothing wrong with them, they wernt into drugs or alcohol. One night at a sleepver, I found out that both of them cut their wrists. I was completly suprised, and I thought I would never do that. At home, I was having problems too.My dad and brother were constantly fighting and I was not happy.My mom didnt live with us, so even when I called her, that didnt help. I thought back to my friends, and I thought that cutting would be okay for once. Just to try it and see if it really did help. I took a kitichen knife and cut my left arm. And it did help. I started feeling worse about myself, and started cutting alot more frequently.One time I cut too deep and i got dizzy and i saw purple. Today is Monday and on Friday night, my dad was drunk. He pissed me off so much, that when he was doing the dishes, I ran into my room and cut.I came out and wasnt talking. The next moring, we were going to my cottage. My dad started yelling at me about everything.I was crying like crazy and he threatned to hit me, calling me a rude, inconsiderate, selfish little bitch, Its a good thing my grandma picked us up, becuase my dad has lost his liscence for drunk driving. When we came home last night, I was still pretty upset. When he went to go do laundry, I took my razor and cut some more. Then I got in the shower. I put on my jammies after and had to pput on a big swaerter so my dad wouldnt see the cut on my arm. I think I may get some of these feelings from my mom, becuase she went through the same thing. She cut twice and she had to get stitches for it.I really dont think I want to die, I just need a way to get the pain to go away. Sometimes I do wish I could die though. That is very rarely though. I hope you have slome good advice for me. This is the first time I have told anyone my story. Thanks for your time.
A. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am sorry that your emotional pain is so intense that you must mutilate your body to feel better. Cutting is your way of punishing yourself or getting back at people for things they have done wrong to you. People have described thinking things like “if they only knew what I am doing now, they would feel so bad” when cutting themselves. You probably feel so bad about yourself, you feel you deserve the cutting. Please know that there are other ways to feel better. Finding someone you can talk to and trust can help you deal with what is bothering you. If there isn’t anyone you trust enough to talk to maybe try the school counselor or a teacher you like. Tell your mother and maybe she can find you help. Please talk to someone about getting help. Cutting is dangerous and is not a healthy way to handle your thoughts and feelings. Please let me know how you are doing. If you need any more help, write again.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Mar 2006
Randle, K. (2006). Self Mutilation. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 12, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/03/28/self-mutilation/