Q. I recently had an almost complete breakdown. One night I was laying in bed and harmful thougths came into my head. I then had feelings of panic and dread and got up and down and later began to obsess that these thoughts had come into my head. I began to be scared of being alone and was in the ER 2x. I wasn’t able to take care of my child. I had thoughts that I could hurt her. I didn’t want to be left alone with her. I am still at times afraid of her. I saught treatment as soon as possible ’cause I was absolutely terrified. I thought I was evil. My child is 18 months old. When she was 6 weeks old i went back to work and at 3 months started my job as an stna, a month later go t an apartment of my own and have been there for over a year now. Last night I has more thoughts and I keep battling this. I don’ t want to hurt myself or my child or anyone else for that matter, but i am blaming myself for these thoughts, I operate myself so I created these thoughts, so i am blaming myself. I wrote down these thoughts last night and burned them, I still awoke anxious and scared of my child. i keep trying to talk myself out of this.trying my calming methods and talking to people and have them reassure me that I am not crazy and that i am not going to hurt someone. I am on medication and seeking couseling as much as possible, I have returned to work after 4 weeks and returned to my apartment after 4 weeks. i easily get frustrated and irritated with my child and just can’t handle it. i want my life back and not be scared anymore. Is it possible if i didn’t treat my depression during and after I was pregnant could the effects of all the pressure I put on myself to be independent come out to this serious level?
A. Of course it is possible. You haven’t been specific about your “harmful” thoughts or your medications. If you are on psychoactive medications I firmly believe you should be seeing a psychiatrist and not taking them as a result of a diagnosis by your PCP. Your counselor and physician should be informed of all of your thoughts and behaviors. Being strong is a noble quality but is no cure for the pain and stress you feel. Ignoring these things, or paying less attention to these symptoms than they deserve is a path to more serious psychological problems. I wish that my words on this page could help you more. You need to be treated by a good psychiatrist and a good therapist. I would recommend, immediately, if you continue to have “harmful” thoughts to go to an emergency room. They will admit you so that you can get immediate relief. Please don’t put this off. I wish you the very best please let me know how you are doing.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Feb 2006
Randle, K. (2006). Depression, anxiety, thoughts. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 31, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2006/02/10/depression-anxiety-thoughts/