Q. : I’m hoping to help my son. He has had all the odd symtoms for years and now his dad is in bad health and I know he loves his dad but they do not like each other. Dad doesn’t understand him. I always try to talk to my son but he tunes me out or does not want to talk about it. My son is argueing all the time with his dad and his dad can’t deal with it because of a heart condition. I know they are times when even my son wants to be better but dosen’t know how and I know when he’s hurting. He trys to hide it. He’ not working and owes us money and I know he would work if he found something,but trying is a big issue. He won’t help at all no matter what it is. Was diagnosed with adhd in school. Peaceful existence is not something we know about in our home. Have often thought his dad was adhd but has enough health problems to deal with. His dad wants to kick him out but is not strong enough physically any more to do it, unless he calls the police which would confuse and break my sons heart even though a part of him would know why. He can be loving and caring, and I know he loves us, but most of the time he seems like he can’t stand us at all unless he wants something and if he does not get it, his anger kicks and he won’t stop yelling. Dad and him both have to have the last word which does not help. What can I do?
A. Invest in several books on “tough love.” Look at the behaviors that you “allow” your son to display. Buying those books may be ten years too late but it will help to know what’s going on with your son. What are the consequences of your son’s actions? What motivation does he have to change?
This sounds like a situation that may be best resolved with family therapy. If your family is open to it, family therapy can help you resolve some of these issues. If not family therapy, maybe one or both of them can attend individual therapy to help one deal with the other. If neither of them will go, perhaps you can go to learn better ways to deal with the both of them, especially your son. I would recommend therapy of some kind to help handle this problem. Otherwise, it might be the police intervening and though it may be necessary and the correct thing to do, without therapy, it will not solve the problem. It is unacceptable that your son does not have a job, any job, paying any amount of money. I know that. Now, it’s time for his mother to know that. Good luck.
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