Q. I woke up this morning and I know that I was awake because I seen my cousin smoking a cigarette and remember thinking that she was suppose to stop smoking with me that day. It was about 5 that morning. I turned over and my elbow touched my three year olds back, who was sleeping next to me on his stomach. It felt different…cold…stiff. I laid my arm across him, but I couldn’t tell that he was breathing, so I nudged him a litter harder and he just laid there. I put my hand on his back and I couldn’t feel him breathing. His skin felt so wrong. I thought that he was dead… I grabbed him and flipped him over and seen the look on his face. I will never forget that look. I put my hand under his neck and tried to lift him up, but he was so stiff and cold, I could never explain to you how he felt to my touch. All this time I was screaming ‘God No’. My cousin was asking me what was wrong. He had curled his hands under him while he was sleeping on his stomach and when I tried to grab his hands with mine to lift him up, they were too stiff. I screamed for my husband, who had fell a sleep in the living room while watching t.v. My cousin was asking ‘What’s wrong?’ I just screamed at her ‘He’s dead!’ she grabbed me and was telling me to wake up and I told her that I was awake. She told me to look at my son and that he was ok. I did and he was.He was just starting to wake up. All I could say was ‘ I swear the God that he was dead’ and I kept repeating that over and over. I stopped smoking today… because of last night. I prayed for help. Maybe this was the way He thought to help me, so now I am too afraid to smoke. I am afraid that if I do then something bad will happen to my son. Does this sound all stupid to you. I know what I saw this morning…but I was wrong. I feel so weird about this…I don’t want to even sleep in my bed now.My husband thinks that I was dreaming…what else could it be? I have this habit of checking my kids when they are sleeping to make sure that they are breathing and there have been a few times that I thought that they weren’t breathing, but his is so much different. I shook him hard. I am trying really hard to convince myself that it wasn’t real because he’s standing right here, running around…that would be impossible…but how do you convince yourself that something is not real that felt so real? I felt him with my own hands..seen him with my own eyes…that was the night before last, last night I tried to sleep, but every time that I would doze I would wake up fast and check his breathing. I can’t sleep for more then a few minutes. I know that I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight either. What does this mean?
A. When you are in a mixed state between consciousness and unconsciousness, you are experiencing an Altered State of Consciousness or ASC. Meditation, hypnosis, etc., are all ASC’s.
You have correctly identified this incident as not being true. Your son was not dead. Your cousin was trying to wake you and indeed when you did wake up, everything was fine. This frightened you and you are now afraid to sleep. You must remember the truth. You must focus on what was real. Unfounded fear, will in almost every case, eventually disappear. If you continue to have trouble sleeping, please contact a therapist who will be able to help you far more than my words upon this page. I wish you “sweet dreams.”
What's Related
- Other posts by Kristina Randle, LCSW
- Is it normal?
- Constantly Suicidal
- I can’t stand to be separated from my baby.
- I’m afraid I’ll fall for someone else.
- Sleep walking/ sleep disorders
