Q. I’m having a bit of a problem trying to figure out what to do? A couple year ago, my cousin moved in to my sister’s house. He’s a few years younger than me. I lived with my sister during the weekend to go to work. We’d let him live there, because he needed help. We used to get along well when we were younger. He seemed angry now, and we constantly fought. One night we were drunk and I caught him leering at me in a very uncomfortable way. The next thing I knew he was trying to make a move on me. I didn’t say a thing and walked out of the room shocked. He started getting more aggressive towards me and being physically getting into fights with me. His temper was really scary. When I embarrassed him it would be the worst. On Christmas night I mad him particularly embarrassed, and he was enraged. I admit I was drunk, but I remember everything that happened. He sneaked in my room after everyone was asleep and locked the door. I asked him what he was doing, and he didn’t say a word. He pinned me down, and just did whatever he wanted. I tried to get up, but he kept me down whispering the most horrible things. I didn’t know what to do afterwards, so I kept my mouth shut. He began to force me to do things, and in the beggining I fought with all my might. He was very sneaky about this, and knew when to do things, and I tried not to be home alone with him. I tried talking to him, because I thought that since I was older I shold be able to control the situation. It didn’t work. He figured out I wasn’t gonna say anything, although I threatened to just to get him to leave me alone. Once he did I wasn’t safe at night. I locked my door, but he got it open. So I’d lay awake all night in fear of him breaking into my room. He became very violent trying to chock me,break my arm, and throwing stuff at me. This went on for a year until he had to moved to another state. I was messed up a while after that, but eventually worked through it. Recently I learned he was back in the area. I have been having horrible nightmares about the things he did and made me do. I know I couldn’t take that again. I wanted to tell someone so bad, but I didn’t think I could tell my family. I feel like they would be angry with me, and think that I could have handled the situation better. I told my friend finally, and she suggessted I talk to a proffesional. I’ve been a little afraid to go to a proffessional, because I’m not sure if they have to report it because of the nature of the problem. At the time this happened my cousin was 16 and I was 19. Since I didn’t tell anyone what happened at the time, and I didn’t always fight back, does that mean I could be arrested for being older and not stopping it? Please help, I’m not so sure what to do.
A. You should have reported this to your family when it happened. In the very beginning this might have been enough to stop it. He should never have been allowed to stay with your sister. Allegations have to be proved. It would be very difficult for either one of you to bring charges against the other because; there is no evidence, no report, no witnesses, etc. I really do not think a therapist would have to report this but you can ask that question before you make an appointment. Simply ask to speak to the therapist on the phone to briefly explain your situation and get your questions answered. If you would have reported it at the time, your cousin could have been charged with rape or assault. I am not familiar with the law in your state, but I do not think you can be arrested for being older and not stopping it. You are the victim. I am sorry I do not have a precise answer for you. I do hope this helps.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Dec 2005
Randle, K. (2006). Forced to do incest. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 14, 2012, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2005/12/22/forced-to-do-incest/
