Q: Hello. I am a 24 year old female and the oldest of 5 children to my mother and step-father. The issue that I am having is that my parents are thinking of having a baby. The thought of this really, really upsets me and makes me sad, angry, depressed and even makes me feel like crying. I don’t know why I feel this way. In the back of my mind I feel like I am being displaced because though I currently live at home, I know I will be moving out soon and I feel like everyone else will be bonding and getting closer to a new baby and I won’t be included. Also, the thought of having a sister or brother old enough to be my child almost disgusts me. Am I a horrible person? What is wrong with me?
A. You are always entitled to your feelings but you must recognize that your feelings may not be a correct reaction to life variables. In other words, your feelings may be inappropriate. Recognize that it is very wrong for you to try and directly or indirectly control your parents. If you feel that they are making a mistake and will be hurting themselves, I feel you have both the right and obligation to try and steer them away from making a mistake which will hurt them. The caveat is that you must be correct in your judgement.
You’re most likely upset because the home environment is about to change. This worries you. You feel threatened in some way and this is very, very common when older siblings are told that a new member of the family is on its way. This is a common fear but remember, most fears never come true. I would be very surprised if after this baby was born, you continued to feel the way you do now. You will most probably be feeling, love and concern for the baby. In other words, you will be reacting to reality and not a “fear” of what reality will be. A few sessions of counseling, with the right person, might quickly make you feel better. If the baby is born, I think you will realize that all of your fears and doubts were, meaningless. The best of luck, Kristina
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Dec 2005
