Q. I started cutting myself when i was 15 because i felt an intense hatred for myself, inside & out. After a while i turned to my friends for help & they got really angry with me and said if i didn’t stop they wouldn’t be my friends anymore. So i stoped cutting myself and started hitting myself in places where ppl cant see my bruises. i often smash my head with my fists or against a tiled floor or concrete wall. I have tried to seek proffessional help twice. the first dr told me i was doing it for attention and this made me feel both pathetic (if it were true) and angry because of the fact how hard i have tried to hide it for the past 6 years. The second time i only went to see the dr once as i did not feel that my problems were important enough to be taking up her time. i had a good upbringing, am surrounded by wonderfull ppl so this makes me feel guilty for being sad. it makes me feel that i must be making it all up (even tho it feels so real) because i am addicted to misery. lately it is getting worse and i feel too stupid to go and see a Dr so I have been searching the net for explanations of my self loathing. i seem to match all the symptomns for BPD/depression but i know self diagnosis is a bad idea and I also feel maybe i have made a false connection to these conditions so i have any excuse to feel the way i do. i want help but i dont want to see or physically talk to someone, is there help available on line? i am becoming more & more confused every day and my head is becoming crowded and very noisy.
A. It must be hard to deal with these things on your own. I know it’s hard to find good help but I would encourage you to keep looking. Maybe try meeting with a therapist instead of a doctor. I am saying this only because often doctors do not have much time to do therapy and delve into deeper problems. Nowadays, many doctors are there only to prescribe medication. There are other approaches to mental problems. Try meeting with many different types of therapists until you find one that is easy to talk to and you feel comfortable with.
Cutting or hitting yourself is not normal or healthy. Its hard to say, without further information, what your diagnosis is. It’s not imperative that you have a diagnosis at this point, its more important that you find a mental health professional that you are comfortable talking with to help relieve your suffering. Don’t feel stupid for wanting to get help and please do not think you are not good enough to get help. The longer you wait the more suffering you will have to endure and the harder it will be to get back to a healthy life. I am not sure about the status of online therapy and online therapists. You can try a Google search and look at the websites of online therapists who do offer online therapy. It’s important you find a therapist you are comfortable with. I would recommend face to face therapy for you. Good luck.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Sep 2005
Randle, K. (2005). Q. i dont think im good enough to get help. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2005/09/14/q-i-dont-think-im-good-enough-to-get-help/