Your advise is always logical, helpful and right on the mark. I’m now back on track with my boyfriend of two months and he is about as perfect as I’ve seen so far. Each time we’re together, we talk, laugh and plan. The question is: how do I know when the time has come to take it to the next level sexually? I’d love to jump into bed with him but I really want to do things right this time. He has the qualities I require in a permanent relationship and don’t want to mess it up. He says the right things and shows me he cares. The only thing that concerns me is when something is on his mind that doesn’t involve me (ie. his kids, or an issue with someone who owes him money and it’s getting ugly) he doesn’t call as often. When he does call, he tells me the details of what’s happening. I wonder if he doesn’t want to turn me off by calling too much (past girlfriends have accused him of that). Why some days 2-3 calls, some days none? Is this a sign of unpredictability in his character? He tells me he’d like to see me every day, but both our busy schedules make that impossible. Each day that he calls or sees me assures me he’s sincere, each day he doesn’t creates doubt. (My issue, not his, as I don’t trust too easily.) Is it better to talk about this directly with him, or just let it go and stop worrying so much? There will always be ‘issues’ of one nature or another, so going back to my main concern, let this become a sexual relationship at this time? Thanking you in advance.
A. Be patient. People are not perfect and it takes time for people to grow in a relationship. There will be setbacks, pitfalls, and they should be handled correctly. They should be discussed and resolved and never overlooked. The sooner they are discussed the better. The resolution might come between the two of you or it might involve a therapist. Don’t hesitate to find a good therapist. All therapists with identical credentials are not identically skilled and capable. The bottom line is that you have to find a good therapist. If it requires seeing two, three, four, five, until you find the person that can help you that is what you need to do. I am not saying that it is necessary, I am saying if it should prove necessary, that is the way you should go about it. I wish you the best of luck.
What's Related
- Other posts by Kristina Randle, LCSW
- Why don’t guys want to date me?
- The guy I am dating ex-girlfriend is pregant
- I’m having trouble trusting boyfriend.
- Love Triangle
- I’m dating the son of my mom’s boyfriend.
