Should our sex life change after marriage?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. My fiancee and I are having a disagreement about how our sex lives should be once we’re married. I believe that while couples should have sex on a regular basis, it should be consensual – even when people are married, no one should feel they have to have sex when they don’t want to just to please their spouse. He says he thinks that whenever one person wants it, the other person should always satisfy their needs no matter how much they don’t feel like it. What do you think is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship? Please advise. Thanks!

A. Sex is a touchy issue. From his perspective, he’s right and from your perspective, you’re right. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. You should never be forced to have sex if you don’t want to. On the other hand, he has a sexual need that can be satisfied with your help or satisfied by him through masturbation. If you love each other, you’ll find a way to meet his sexual needs without creating a hardship for you. Always remember the difference between “want” and need.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Apr 2005

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2005). Should our sex life change after marriage?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2005/04/18/should-our-sex-life-change-after-marriage/