Q.Hi. I am a 25 year old woman and have come to an epiphany. For all of my life I have probably been depressed, or just plain unhappy at least since I was 8. As a kid, I knew something was wrong, but my mother would ignore me when I told her I needed help. So, as a kid, I was shy and insecure and that didn?t help it when kids would tease me to no end. And my family life wasn?t that great either. My mother and father would fight viscously, always calling each other names like stupid, worthless,etc. and once I witnessed my father beat my mother. I always felt my parents were in a loveless marriage and for decades believed love did not exist in marriage and trusted no one. If my mother and father hated each other, why should I think other people would be worth trusting either. So with that mentally, I was able to completely alienate myself from any friends I had made by not trusting them, running away when things got bad, and by being completely self absorbed with my own problems. In addition, my strict parents rarely let me leave my house growing up because they were extremely over protective and resent them for that till this day. I feel I have been, all my life, a pretty annoying, self-conscious, emotionally devoid person. And at 25, I feel I have wasted my life and I don?t know how to get over my past. I am in therapy, but I feel like at times it would be easier to just give up than trying to achieve a better life. But, I have realized I need to be less self-involved, more open to others. Instead of worrying about my own issues, I try to focus on others when talking to them and smile when I am out, but inside I am dying. I feel like the fake smile is better than my usual sad face but it isn?t how I feel. I guess what I?m asking you is what can I do? It?s as if I?m in a vacuum and life has lost all meaning, I?m here but not living. I don?t have the courage to get over my past because I feel I have been a pretty sad and pathetic person for the past 25 years and what ever time I have left on earth will only be the same. I can?t get out of this funk. Any suggestions?
A. You did not say how long you have been seeing your therapist. Are you making progress? Therapy is the best thing for you. If you are not doing well or as well as you think you should be doing, think seriously about finding another therapist. You may need to try ten different therapists before you find one that can help you. Here’s my rule of thumb. I give this advice to people who ask for my opinion. When you are leaving your therapist’s office after the first meeting, how do you feel? Are you intrigued? Are you thinking about things you had not thought of before? Do you feel attune to your therapist? Does it seem as if he or she has pointed out a mystery to you and has a plan to solve it? After each session with your therapist, there should be new insights gained and you should be slowly feeling better over time. After six months, you should be able to clearly look back and see substantial progress. Good therapy may take a long time, but steady progress should be made week by week.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Apr 2005
