Q. My husband and I have only been married 3 years, he is 40 and I am 47. A few years before we were married he had a vastecomy. Now he says he has pain in his testicules when he ejualuates. We have sexual intercourse about one to three times a month. I think my husband’s problem is psychological becuase he will not have any kind of personal contact with me, such as kissing, fondling, etc. This problem whether it be physcial or mental has caused me to have alot of self-doubt and I am always wondering what I can do to make my husband sexually attaractive to me. I was raised in a traidtional family setting, whereas my husband was raised with his mother and father having a very violent and sexually active with outside partners involved.

A. The issue of sex is an extremely complicated one. It is completely normal for sex and pleasure to decline the longer people are together. There are many theories to explain this and describe it. Variety is the spice of life and variety will spice up your sexual relationship. Novelty (newness) will always increase sexual pleasure. If you are not going to involve new sexual partners, then try new sexual activities, clothing and “toys”. Sexual interests and love are two completely different things. Many people, both men and woman, report that they have great sex with people they do not love and poor sex with people they love the most. Love in the relationship is the only important thing. You should not rule out a physical problem related to the vasectomy or a possibly new physical problem. You should encourage your husband to get checked out by a physician.

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Apr 2005

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2005). Advice on a sexual situation with husband that is causing severe emotional marriage problems. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2005/04/11/advice-on-a-sexual-situation-with-husband-that-is-causing-severe-emotional-marriage-problems/