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Wanting to marry boyfriend at 16

by Kristina Randle, LCSW
March 28, 2005

Q. To the point, I’ve been dating my BF for about a year. Everything is always great, with one eye-opener to keep us down-to-earth. Nothing has died down, and things are still as strong as they were in the start. We have remained abstinent and are doing well. The thing is, I keep daydreaming, thinking of, and literally dreaming of a future with him…as his wife. I sometimes have dreams that tell events of the future–soothsaying, as it is called. I wonder alot if this is just young foolishness or if it could be another of my “visions”. As the thoughts became more frequent, it wasn’t just a curiosity. I began to realize that I WANT to be his wife. But I know that at this age, neither of us are ready. (he’s 18, I’m 16) Another thing that contibutes to this wish is the fact that we are legally old enough to marry. I have even told him about these daydreams, and told him that they confuse and frighten me because I worry that I may get carried away with it. He told me that he, too, had envisioned such a future, “With my smiling face” as he put it. He even told me that had we been older when we met (say, 5 years), that he would have proposed to me a long time ago. (I also have imagined children, but I don’t want that until a long time from now.) So many things are confusing me, and I would really appreciate your opinion.

A. The longer you wait, the longer you have to mature, to experience life and to find out what it is really important for you in life. There is one thing you can be sure of; you will change dramatically between the ages of 16 to 20. There are great advantages to developing a wider experiential base. Committing yourself so early, means you risk closing doors, opportunities and relationships that could have been the correct course for you. My advice is to wait, do not hurry to get married, keep an open mind and gain more life experience before making huge life decisions.

 

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  On March 28, 2005
  By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.



That which does not kill me makes me stronger.
-- Frederick Nietzsche